I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
