I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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