If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
