I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
