So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
