I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
