I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
