wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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