i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
