Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
