I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
