All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
