So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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