I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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