You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
