You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
