Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
