I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
