so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
