Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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