Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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