you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she told me i tasted like america
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
