It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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