he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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