2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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