So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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