bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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