everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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