I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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