Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
whose parrot is this?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
