I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im part way to drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
