What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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