i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
