You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
