I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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