At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
