Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
