Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
