How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
