so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
