She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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