Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
