Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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