We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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