next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
