If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
