Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
