It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
