I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
