I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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