Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry about my life...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
