dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
