I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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