he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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