Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So many bounce houses so little time
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
