chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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