i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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