TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
