He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
